The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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