i permit you to call me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
