I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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