I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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