Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
