Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
