oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
