Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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