she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
