New low: just hacked my moms facebook
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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