why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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