I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
