It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
