yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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