I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
