I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
