Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you will always have a special place in my vag
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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