i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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