This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
