Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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