I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
