dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
