Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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