you traded sex for a burrito?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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