Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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