just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
