so let's talk penis.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
