I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
