This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
