I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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