is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
