Need sex. Gaining weight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
