i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
