he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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