So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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