I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
