Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
