oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
