just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
