WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
