tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
