Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
