I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
