Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
