my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
worst night to have a conscience
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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