96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
