So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
