This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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