my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
