My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
