let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You've changed since you got that strap on
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
