I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
