she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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