When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
