Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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