Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
